Tuesday, July 30, 2013

PFR#5: Duality

Hi from San Francisco,

A beautiful girl (brag!) recently told me that I say things most guys don't.
This isn't groundbreaking but please humor me and break it into two parts: "Jesse says things most guys don't."
A) The first half is easy. I'm a weirdo/oversharer/clueless romantic.
B) From what I can tell- most guys don't make candid, honest, romantic statements to pretty girls and that's a shame.

I've always been in touch with impulses that are classically labeled feminine but I see no way that using flowery language* or being sensitive makes a man soft.
Too often, people have a singular focus, style, or motivation.
Where does this singularity come from? Today's "role models" can be famous for no reason at all and some of the great fictional characters are an exaggeration of one trait. Personifying one characteristic works in fiction but results in a person that lacks balance and complexity.
It's perfectly masculine to be sensitive. The guy that doesn't let himself cry isn't necessarily tough. He wants to seem tough so he's playing the part of a tough guy: cold, angry, emotionless, distant.
Most modern men don't go to war to have their toughness tested. We have questions about the depth of our masculinity, how we'd react with our backs against the wall, and whether other men share our fears and doubts. Maybe if we grew up fighting hand to hand we wouldn't be embarrassed to tell a girl (or guy(or dog)) we love her or cry during an episode of The Office. Our communication is getting less personal each time we text instead of hug, tweet instead of showing up.
There's so much beauty (and I promise, happiness) in being able to reach in both directions: strength and vulnerability, generosity and acceptance of help, beauty and heartbreaking pain, sweetness and toughness. It can't be best to be one way all the time, right?

Yoshi thinks I have a point
The past few weeks in California have been full of exploring, reconnecting with old friends (hi Annie) and hitting it off right away with new ones (hi Jenny!) I've napped on the beach, wandered around LA-thanks for the tour guiding Jason/Katie- bought some silly tank tops in Chinatown, reconnected with some family who reminded me how small I was when I was a toddler, laughed at late night British hotel humor, eaten an In and Out burger, and driven up the coast where after a while it seems like the beach (let alone the ocean) goes on forever.

One other quick rant: If you want something badly, go take it. Don't over-think how to get it, just use whatever reasonable means you have and at least try. I have tendency to put myself in a position where something could/should happen and then just wait for it. Sometimes you have to grab your courage balloons and ask for a discount or a date or a job or a favor or whatever. So much is always available but things go away when you wait too long.

One out of context laugh I forgot to write about in New Mexico. We were talking about Darcy's friend's daughter:
Glenn- She is a game warden. When people see a mountain lion or something she helps them wrangle it.
Me- Next time you see her, please tell her there's a big game problem in my pants that I need help with.
WHS '05 Sighting
Glenn- She'll probably shoot it off.

That's it for now.
SJ- the post you told me to write is coming, but it's not quite ready yet.
*I miss writing poetry.


  1. Three cheers to being yourself! Because, at the end of the day, isn't that what being more "sensitive" is? Listening to your emotions and rolling with it? I think so. Anywho. We miss you. Toby texted me to say he's jealous you're hangin' with other pups and wants you to find him a wifeypoo.

    Newport together next year? Let's do it.

  2. Toby needs to start showing up and stop texting/tweeting how he feels...gosh, doesn't he even read these things?!?